THE MARRIAGE ACT

 THE MARRIAGE ACT

With the institution of marriage being so saturated with clueless adults, who go into it without proper knowledge or understanding, and who are not utterly equipped with the new age shock absorbers, will always come out broken, busted, and disgusted with the entire experience. These days, getting married is a risky business, because one has to literary give themselves over to another, until death comes knocking at their door. Now, a marriage contract is only meant for the mature men and women, and not grown boys and girls, desiring to play house, until they get bored, and decide to jump ship.

That is why we mortals should review the marriage act, make a few little tweaks, modify the set adjustments, and sell it as more appealing, as well as palatable for human consumption, with solid permission from God Almighty of course. Speaking of God, He is the one who created the institution of marriage and sanctified it, in order for it to be a blessing for His creation. Nonetheless, it is we humans who have ruined the holy sanctimony of marriage, disrespecting its values and principles, by breaking every rule in the marriage act book, in effect destroying they very thing that was meant to bless our lives, thereby turning it into a grimace experience.

Again, most of us have no idea as to what marriage is all about, perhaps because the importance of marriage was never taught to us, or maybe because we do not have great examples of healthy marital unions to emulate. That is why; I have come up with a few ideas that will hopefully revolutionize the change needed to make marriage a successful institution, starting with my nation at least, before I decide to go global with this ideology. However, before I share these golden nuggets of wisdom with you all, I would like to make a loud disclaimer that I, Betty Baijun, am not in any way a marriage counselor, although I do wish that I were. What's more, I am just a free thinker, with a mega mind, too many wishful ideas and a lot of creative time on my hands.

Therefore, let no one hold me responsible for any alleged future mishaps, concerning my proposal on amending the marriage act, for I am only able to lead the donkey to a stream of water, but I cannot force the donkey to drink the water. With that being said, it is my prayer that all who are already married, attempting to get married, or getting out of marriage, will benefit from this found marital philosophy, courtesy of yours truly.

Firstly, the "till death do us part" clause shall be thoroughly revised. Dear Lord, please forgive me for what I am about to recommend to your people, however I feel that I must first let you know that ever since the emergence of feminism, equality, technology and such, both men and women have become hyper independent and very individualistic. As a result, nobody wants to compromise on anything anymore. Thus, in the today's world, it is about me, myself, and I together with these humans. Also, "until death do us part", sounds like forever to the hearing many, and while it was well and good for couples in the seventeenth century to hold up marital vows for eternity, it scares the holy out of these twenty first century new age millennials, who can only commit to their smart phones, and Tiktok accounts.

Therefore, I humbly suggest that all marriage contracts should be renewed every New Year; in order to allow all the ignorant, misinformed, oppressed, suppressed, and depressed spouses the opportunity to terminate their contracts, before they suffocate and choke to death in those marital trappings, which they legally bound themselves to. Furthermore, My Lord, most people are helplessly chained to unions they cannot escape. That is why I propose that, every married person should file their renewed marital contracts, just like they file their annual taxes. Equally, anyone who will not be legally married would be considered as, persona non grata, if only to combat the spirit of confusion from wreaking havoc within the holy matrimony. In a word, there would be no marriage, without a legal marriage certificate.

The second amendment of the marriage act would be that, there should be no birthing of babies, until after five years of marriage. Before I expound further on this proposal, may I boldly proclaim that this rule would only apply to those individuals below the age of ninety years. As for the senior citizens, they would do whatever they want, at no charge. However, if legible couples are caught slipping into parenthood early on, they will attract a huge fine, for not upholding the law. For the first five years of marriage, couples would strictly be required to bond, to be well acquainted with one another, with an additional full year of mandatory back-to-back marital counseling sessions, aimed at their own marital growth. However, in case of any break ups to make-ups on their part, they will be forced repeat their five years all over again.

The third amendment of the marriage act would be that, a marriage contract should not be awarded to anyone with two divorce counts. One divorce record is forgivable but two divorce documentations will render one ineligible for marriage, and hence a permanent ban on obtaining another marriage certificate. This means, marriage would no longer be suitable for anyone with a two-count divorce stamp on their record. Instead, it would be preferable that one lives a single life, waiting for the second coming of Jesus Christ, rather than wasting precious time by frolicking in an institution, which does not suit their mindset, as well as their evolution.

The fourth and not so final amendment of the marriage act would be that, there should be no marriage contract given to anyone suspected to be engaged in a polygamous union. Yes, I said it and I fully support this notion, on account of only two people are allowed to sign a marriage contract, as God intended it. To this effect, any more parties to a marital union would be rendered as a felony. As I always tell those who care to listen to me; a romantic relationship between two lovers is considered as a partnership but a merger of three, is regarded as a crowd, a crowd of four is seen as a deadly contraption, and five people entangled in confusion, are a breeding ground for utter chaos and destruction. I rest my case.