THE MAKINGS OF AFRICAN TELENOVELAS

THE MAKINGS OF AFRICAN TELENOVELAS

I heard a dubious rumour recently that Televisa Production Company is on the verge of a merger with Multichoice Media, with the intent of producing Telenovelas, for the African audience. I say that this is a big leap for both companies, cultural differences notwithstanding, and why not? With the talent that we ethnics have, I think it is time that Africa get to venture into the Spanish silver screen, with bold intent. As a result, this is where I step in to give my ten cents regarding this new found niche, taking on the crucial production challenges, as well as providing viable solutions to making the perfect Afronovelas. Moreover, since I am gradually becoming an expert analyst on Pan-African matters, I duly request both production companies to take notes, as I delve deep into their world of entertainment. Therefore, consider this piece as a free consult, courtesy of yours truly.

To start off, an Afronovela with cast members welling up with strong emotions on que, that provoke real tears in every episode, will pose as a great challenge. You see, perhaps for a pretty coin, nothing is impossible, yet good luck trying to make Africans cry actual tears on screen. The truth is that we are not wired much for sentimentality. Hence, It will either take the death of a loved one or theft of valuable memorabilia to evoke an African to tears. Otherwise, crying is only permitted for new born babies, but the rest of us are moulded to be hard knocks, taking on the blows and punches of life like ninja warriors.

Besides, tears are frowned upon in Africa as a sign of weakness. Even our children are hardened early in life, and a whip on their backs will make them learn quickly that manipulation through tears is a waste of precious time. Thus, the producers of Afronovelas must seriously compensate soap actors, in order to elicit them to shed genuine tears, for a performance of a lifetime. Afterall, money talks a good game that even us Africans cannot argue but cry for.

Secondly, the lovey-dovey mushy stuff does not sit well on our hardened stomachs. What's more, those gut-wrenching love expressions, coupled with the excessive public display of affection, are not our cup of tea. Further, offering a bouquet of flowers to a love interest is not necessarily a romantic gesture to an African, even though it is a beautiful show of appreciation. However, we would prefer cold hard cash over a bunch of flowers any day, for money at hand makes sense to us, as it translates to food, shelter, and clothing for our benefit.

By the way, do you know just how uncomfortable it is for Africans to sing mushy love songs while dancing in the rain? In any case, who wants cold water dripping off their nappy heads? The reality is that the price tag attached to maintaining kinky hair is exorbitant, hence the Afronovela cast members would rather spend their time perfecting their artistic craft, than making expensive salon appointments in this terrorist economy.

On this note, I could possibly suggest more indoor activities such as, shopping sprees, as well as fine dining among love interests to be given more air play as romantic acts, instead of the mushy-gushy romantic rants we are accustomed to watching in those famous telemundo soap operas. In addition, you maybe required to ease up on the sex scenes, as they should be more implied than openly showcased, for nudity is disapproved of within our conservative populace, with weighty religious and societal beliefs will exert moral pressure on your production, thus risking a shadow ban upon your newly found investment.

Thirdly, the producers of Afronovelas will have to diversify matters of love within the African context, when scripting for Afronovelas. Polygamy is an old-age tradition that is accepted, respected, and widely practised by most within the continent, regardless of our faith. Consequently, a controversial statement such as, "You are the only one for me my love", while writing for polygamous unions, will not hold water. Alternatively, broad love assertions such as, "My heart beats for all of you", or "I love her too but I love you more", are both appropriate for polygamous relations.

Another potent pronouncement like, "I will die for you", is very much non-african, for the only situations that can permanently terminate an African is famine and witchcraft but voluntary suicide is highly unlikely on account of our religious beliefs, plus a heightened self-esteem. Hence, maybe a more suitable articulation to counter the above mentioned would be, "I will live long for our love", as it is more optimistic and less obsessive.

Similarly, proclamations like, "All I have is yours", will not suffice, for we do not hand over everything to strangers for the sake of love, especially not ancestral land, because such a move is considered as taboo. Therefore, a better counter-expression would be, "Take me as I am", as it is simple and genuine.

Fourthly, when producing Afronovelas, bear in mind that despite our native ways, Africans are gradually becoming more new age, and less traditional. Hence, thematic issues such as; soul tribe families, digitalization, as well as spirituality, among many other topics have become more diversified. Thus, when scripting for Afronovelas, it is best to include the new generation of mutated themes, so as to capture Africa in this age of Aquarius.

Finally, Africa is multi-religious, with a pantheon of gods to match. In short, your targeted audience vary in spiritual beliefs and values, therefore, while you consider the cross as a prime part of the telemundo story lines, also be mindful of the crescent moon, the Star of David, among other symbolic representations of our myriad of faiths, while creating Afronovela narratives, for inclusivity on your part will translate to longevity of Afronovelas in the future.

Well, there you have it Televisa. Like I always say, Africa is a meander of traditionalist laws and practices, despite our global presence. All you need to do is gain the knowledge and experience necessary for an eclectic performance, and you will soon be swimming in an ocean of ethnic audience.