CALL ME BY MY TITLE

 CALL ME BY MY TITLE

We Africans love both our main titles, as well as our sub-titles in the same breath. It is what keeps us relevant and feeling so important. Try calling your village headmaster by his government name, and see how fast you loose your teeth in the process. Even his agemates do not get to call him by his nickname, once he attains a high level status in his community. So, how dare you disrespect such an honourable man by reducing him to a commoner?

I too will be offended, if you brazenly ignore my hard-earned epithets, and instead mention my sacred names in public, for all and sundry. It does not matter whether or not I baptized myself as prophetess or chairlady. All you need to do is tow the line, and recognize me for who I aspire to be. Afterall, what will I be without my dubs?

On the flip side, the Europeans do not care much for titles like we Africans do. As a matter of fact, they sort of frown upon those who flaunt their tags, by preaching nobility to them. The Europeans also love their communism, socialism, as well as the universal laws and principles of equal rights and justice. Moreover, the Europeans have made it their business to campaign for inclusivity, all the while making everyone feel important.

However, that socialist crabs in a bucket mentality will not find a place to perch in the motherland, for titles group us in socio-economic classes, a capitalist move that we have inherited, embraced, and come to love, courtesy of the west world. If there is anything America has taught us, is that a grand title talks a big game. Besides, our ancestors too were heavily vested in their titles, which kept them more relevant, and even more powerful. For example, a clan chief in pre-colonial Africa, was like a god king, with numerous wives, plenty of children, and massive wealth to boot.

In all honesty, I wonder just how do I get to raise my self-esteem without my self-proclaimed titles? Better yet, how do I show my importance, without the help of some inconsequential designations to accompany my name? Additionally, how are people supposed to appreciate my existence without the appropriate titles to boot? Being a wife and mother is well and good, yet how do I get shine and be seen beyond my husband's name and wealth? Surely, I must join the church and become a choir member, if not an usher. Better yet, I could engage in a career and become a teacher, anything that would make me feel entitled.

Even our Church leaders, much as they exalt the virtue of humility, are very much entitled, especially when it comes to their coveted leadership roles. Consequently, servitude is a sermon for those at the pew and not for them that mount the pulpit, and if we insist on calling them servants, then serious titles must be attached to their servitude roles. I would love to see the day that a local church elder would despise being called or treated as such. I would also love to see the day that a well known pastor drop his title years in the making, and instead adopt an anonymous moniker in this here Africa.

Perhaps, that is the day pigs might fly high in the sky, for the probability of these two separate occurrences happening in real time are close to none. I could be pessimistic about finding humble clergymen, yet maybe there could be those hidden in the shadows that are called and chosen, yet unspoken and unsung, who walk in piety like Jesus Christ did, and believe in equality for all.

However, in my own experience, only broke believers and poor activists believe that we are all equal, that is until they gain popularity, become men of the people or local politicians, and start minting money, is when you will realise that poverty camouflages the real nature of a true African. The above mentioned are the ones who will insist on holding on to titles, like the juntas taking over alien territories, via force. As a matter of fact, do not make the mistake of reminding them of their humble beginnings, for they will grow poisonous claws, wring your neck, and throw you down a pit latrine.

How dare you confront the nuveau riche local councilors about their broke days, when infact they wish to forget those ugly memories? Are you holding a death wish and seeking to die young? Anyhow, if it is a women's group that I am being invited to join in, I then must insist on being given a title, in order to feel relevant. Better yet, call me deputy vice secretary, or even original member, as long as it boosts my ego, maintains my relevancy and makes me feel worthy.

In rural Africa, if village people find out that your son can operate a helicopter or has been to Beijing, they must grant him a befitting chieftaincy title for such rare accomplishments. It comes with the African territory to preserve all protocols and titles for those seemingly powerful, because not many are blessed to achieve titles. However, the Newage woke type of Africans do not care much about titles, as they care more about the remunerations that accompany the set titles. In fact, they are on the opinion that since they cannot eat a title, or take it to buy food, then it is as useless, as a penny with a hole in it.

Similarly, woke Africans do not also wish to be known by many as having any sort of authoritative power, lest it be found out that they are secret millionaires, and then all publicity be poured on to them. Instead, these awakened Africans love to operate incognito, far and away from prying eyes, not wanting to attract unnecessary attention, while building their wealth without a care for irrelevant titles.

To conclude, much as titles are important, they also do not take from one's worth. This means that you still are of value, with or without your titles. Yet, who cares about value, when you are power hungry? So, bow down, and put some respect on my title or be ready to face the dire consequences.