THE BLACK CHINA TAKEOVER!

 THE BLACK CHINA TAKEOVER!

Yes people, Africa is the real Black China. Indeed, the crouching tiger has; invaded our jungle, subdued our lion, sank his claws deep within our roots, taken over our frontiers, and made the motherland his own. Now that China has decided to penetrate almost every nation worldwide, I think it is safe to say that this incumbent super power is inches away from claiming absolute control of the entire world. Move over America, for here comes the flaming dragon, gliding onto the Centre stage, with your eagle wings on its back. These Asians are no joke. In fact, they are the proverbial weaver birds, with the ability to spin yarn into gold, setting the economic stage, as preparation for the final political take over. If you were under the assumption that the Chinese were only good for Kungfu fighting, think again.

Breaking news today is that the China man has fallen in love with the African sun. Yet, that is nothing new. Afterall, do not all foreigners purpose to stay in the motherland, soon as they land their feet on our blessed shores? As a result, the China man is not about to leave Africa any time soon. As a matter of fact, he has already leased our sacred lands for ninety nine years, which means that his chances of leaving Africa are close to none. All the China man needs now is to capitalize on the standard ninety nine years to his advantage, to completely transform Africa to Black China, of which he is currently at fourty five percent within the digital construct.

What's more, the China man has; already embraced Christendom, subsequently adopted a Christian name, and learnt the standard colonial languages of English,  French, German, as well as the Portuguese, in order to communicate his social-economic intentions effectively, for a swift and silent geo-political occupation. The China man is thus far content with the business part of his deal with Africa. Yet, as soon as he comes across the Nubian queens of the Sahara, he will not escape catching a case of the jungle fever, and then it will be absolute siezation for him, for he will have no choice but to make Africa his permanent home.

You know the saying is true, that a black queen is every man's ultimate dream. Hence, there is no resisting these ebony beauties, and the China man is no exception. Perhaps, the Chinese do not know this, so let me school them on this obvious fact, that once you go black, you can never go back! Well, this interracial love quest is not necessarily a bad thing, for the Chinese populace have produced numerous male species for my afro sisters to inter-marry with, thus will no longer be clamming themselves into polygamous relationships, for there will be more than enough Chinese men to go around in favour of their romantic relationships.

It is my humble opinion that, what Africa lacks in numerical terms, China makes up for it one hundred percent. Consequently, our wedding shows will be full of black-oriental interracial love ideas in full display. Halleluyah! Nonetheless, a word of caution to our ethnic girls would be that they must learn to identify their own husbands, and pay attention to their physical attributes, for there are multitude look-alikes among our Chinese brethren, hence we do not want any mishaps to drive the spirit of confusion into our beautiful girls, thereby in turn ruin their happily ever-after.

Anyhow, sooner or later, you will begin to see all the sweet little genius chinegros running around our neighbourhoods, speaking Swahili, Arabic, Yoruba, as well as Mandarin, all in one go. Consequently, in the next few decades, French, English, and Portuguese languages will be replaced with Mandarin in this here Africa. As a result, all our children from generation z-alpha will all be Chinese speakers, as it is foretold in the Black China prophesy.

At least, by this unique merger; Africa will be digitally connected, able to challenge and eliminate poverty, ignorance, and all sorts of diseases, by establishing a steady communist economy, rich in vast information, coupled with medical solutions. Additionally, our diet will largely be sea-based, although it will take the hand of God to pluck meat out of our negro hands. Furthermore, our fashion sense will also change, to blend African print on to those complex oriental kimonos gowns.

Everyone knows that Africans are a proven test subjects for any fashion project. Put us in sac bags, and we will be wingning them like the professional Victoria's Secret Angels, up and down muddy paths, as well as footwalks like runways. Although, a humble request to our Asian brethren would be to make the afro-asian couture to fit our thickum body build. In all honesty, size zero is not an African measurement, no matter who says what. Genetically, we are built for strength and power, thus we should together ensure to make the future fashion pieces that are best suited for our king size bodies.

Over the next few decades, there will only be two tribes in Africa; natives and oriental. The rest will slowly blend into chinegro, making the conquest complete. Forget racism, for this merger between Africa and China will produce black orientals, a new found breed that will lead all African states into one people, one nation, under one God, the Africa People's Republic of China.

Yes indeed, the United States of Africa will morph into Africa People's Republic of China, with the tiger in the jungle as our new found slogan, and the Afro-Yuan as our operational currency. Just like the European man came to Africa to colonize and assimilated us into his culture, so will the Chinese man, take it up a notch higher, by marrying into our clandoms, and buying off the entire continent. In any case, Africa is literary indebted to China, therefore the least we can do is cough up our motherland, if only to save the future of our black oriental descendants.

For this reason, brace yourself people, for the conspiracy theories are ringing true. China is taking over the world, and there is no going back. So, you will be compelled to either align or join the Junta for another guerrilla resistance. The choice is yours. Likewise, for those of you who are resisting change, well get over it, move over, and allow the Chinese to build us a high-tech bridge across Afro-China!

 

CALL ME BY MY TITLE

 CALL ME BY MY TITLE

We Africans love both our main titles, as well as our sub-titles in the same breath. It is what keeps us relevant and feeling so important. Try calling your village headmaster by his government name, and see how fast you loose your teeth in the process. Even his agemates do not get to call him by his nickname, once he attains a high level status in his community. So, how dare you disrespect such an honourable man by reducing him to a commoner?

I too will be offended, if you brazenly ignore my hard-earned epithets, and instead mention my sacred names in public, for all and sundry. It does not matter whether or not I baptized myself as prophetess or chairlady. All you need to do is tow the line, and recognize me for who I aspire to be. Afterall, what will I be without my dubs?

On the flip side, the Europeans do not care much for titles like we Africans do. As a matter of fact, they sort of frown upon those who flaunt their tags, by preaching nobility to them. The Europeans also love their communism, socialism, as well as the universal laws and principles of equal rights and justice. Moreover, the Europeans have made it their business to campaign for inclusivity, all the while making everyone feel important.

However, that socialist crabs in a bucket mentality will not find a place to perch in the motherland, for titles group us in socio-economic classes, a capitalist move that we have inherited, embraced, and come to love, courtesy of the west world. If there is anything America has taught us, is that a grand title talks a big game. Besides, our ancestors too were heavily vested in their titles, which kept them more relevant, and even more powerful. For example, a clan chief in pre-colonial Africa, was like a god king, with numerous wives, plenty of children, and massive wealth to boot.

In all honesty, I wonder just how do I get to raise my self-esteem without my self-proclaimed titles? Better yet, how do I show my importance, without the help of some inconsequential designations to accompany my name? Additionally, how are people supposed to appreciate my existence without the appropriate titles to boot? Being a wife and mother is well and good, yet how do I get shine and be seen beyond my husband's name and wealth? Surely, I must join the church and become a choir member, if not an usher. Better yet, I could engage in a career and become a teacher, anything that would make me feel entitled.

Even our Church leaders, much as they exalt the virtue of humility, are very much entitled, especially when it comes to their coveted leadership roles. Consequently, servitude is a sermon for those at the pew and not for them that mount the pulpit, and if we insist on calling them servants, then serious titles must be attached to their servitude roles. I would love to see the day that a local church elder would despise being called or treated as such. I would also love to see the day that a well known pastor drop his title years in the making, and instead adopt an anonymous moniker in this here Africa.

Perhaps, that is the day pigs might fly high in the sky, for the probability of these two separate occurrences happening in real time are close to none. I could be pessimistic about finding humble clergymen, yet maybe there could be those hidden in the shadows that are called and chosen, yet unspoken and unsung, who walk in piety like Jesus Christ did, and believe in equality for all.

However, in my own experience, only broke believers and poor activists believe that we are all equal, that is until they gain popularity, become men of the people or local politicians, and start minting money, is when you will realise that poverty camouflages the real nature of a true African. The above mentioned are the ones who will insist on holding on to titles, like the juntas taking over alien territories, via force. As a matter of fact, do not make the mistake of reminding them of their humble beginnings, for they will grow poisonous claws, wring your neck, and throw you down a pit latrine.

How dare you confront the nuveau riche local councilors about their broke days, when infact they wish to forget those ugly memories? Are you holding a death wish and seeking to die young? Anyhow, if it is a women's group that I am being invited to join in, I then must insist on being given a title, in order to feel relevant. Better yet, call me deputy vice secretary, or even original member, as long as it boosts my ego, maintains my relevancy and makes me feel worthy.

In rural Africa, if village people find out that your son can operate a helicopter or has been to Beijing, they must grant him a befitting chieftaincy title for such rare accomplishments. It comes with the African territory to preserve all protocols and titles for those seemingly powerful, because not many are blessed to achieve titles. However, the Newage woke type of Africans do not care much about titles, as they care more about the remunerations that accompany the set titles. In fact, they are on the opinion that since they cannot eat a title, or take it to buy food, then it is as useless, as a penny with a hole in it.

Similarly, woke Africans do not also wish to be known by many as having any sort of authoritative power, lest it be found out that they are secret millionaires, and then all publicity be poured on to them. Instead, these awakened Africans love to operate incognito, far and away from prying eyes, not wanting to attract unnecessary attention, while building their wealth without a care for irrelevant titles.

To conclude, much as titles are important, they also do not take from one's worth. This means that you still are of value, with or without your titles. Yet, who cares about value, when you are power hungry? So, bow down, and put some respect on my title or be ready to face the dire consequences.

THE MAKINGS OF AFRICAN TELENOVELAS

THE MAKINGS OF AFRICAN TELENOVELAS

I heard a dubious rumour recently that Televisa Production Company is on the verge of a merger with Multichoice Media, with the intent of producing Telenovelas, for the African audience. I say that this is a big leap for both companies, cultural differences notwithstanding, and why not? With the talent that we ethnics have, I think it is time that Africa get to venture into the Spanish silver screen, with bold intent. As a result, this is where I step in to give my ten cents regarding this new found niche, taking on the crucial production challenges, as well as providing viable solutions to making the perfect Afronovelas. Moreover, since I am gradually becoming an expert analyst on Pan-African matters, I duly request both production companies to take notes, as I delve deep into their world of entertainment. Therefore, consider this piece as a free consult, courtesy of yours truly.

To start off, an Afronovela with cast members welling up with strong emotions on que, that provoke real tears in every episode, will pose as a great challenge. You see, perhaps for a pretty coin, nothing is impossible, yet good luck trying to make Africans cry actual tears on screen. The truth is that we are not wired much for sentimentality. Hence, It will either take the death of a loved one or theft of valuable memorabilia to evoke an African to tears. Otherwise, crying is only permitted for new born babies, but the rest of us are moulded to be hard knocks, taking on the blows and punches of life like ninja warriors.

Besides, tears are frowned upon in Africa as a sign of weakness. Even our children are hardened early in life, and a whip on their backs will make them learn quickly that manipulation through tears is a waste of precious time. Thus, the producers of Afronovelas must seriously compensate soap actors, in order to elicit them to shed genuine tears, for a performance of a lifetime. Afterall, money talks a good game that even us Africans cannot argue but cry for.

Secondly, the lovey-dovey mushy stuff does not sit well on our hardened stomachs. What's more, those gut-wrenching love expressions, coupled with the excessive public display of affection, are not our cup of tea. Further, offering a bouquet of flowers to a love interest is not necessarily a romantic gesture to an African, even though it is a beautiful show of appreciation. However, we would prefer cold hard cash over a bunch of flowers any day, for money at hand makes sense to us, as it translates to food, shelter, and clothing for our benefit.

By the way, do you know just how uncomfortable it is for Africans to sing mushy love songs while dancing in the rain? In any case, who wants cold water dripping off their nappy heads? The reality is that the price tag attached to maintaining kinky hair is exorbitant, hence the Afronovela cast members would rather spend their time perfecting their artistic craft, than making expensive salon appointments in this terrorist economy.

On this note, I could possibly suggest more indoor activities such as, shopping sprees, as well as fine dining among love interests to be given more air play as romantic acts, instead of the mushy-gushy romantic rants we are accustomed to watching in those famous telemundo soap operas. In addition, you maybe required to ease up on the sex scenes, as they should be more implied than openly showcased, for nudity is disapproved of within our conservative populace, with weighty religious and societal beliefs will exert moral pressure on your production, thus risking a shadow ban upon your newly found investment.

Thirdly, the producers of Afronovelas will have to diversify matters of love within the African context, when scripting for Afronovelas. Polygamy is an old-age tradition that is accepted, respected, and widely practised by most within the continent, regardless of our faith. Consequently, a controversial statement such as, "You are the only one for me my love", while writing for polygamous unions, will not hold water. Alternatively, broad love assertions such as, "My heart beats for all of you", or "I love her too but I love you more", are both appropriate for polygamous relations.

Another potent pronouncement like, "I will die for you", is very much non-african, for the only situations that can permanently terminate an African is famine and witchcraft but voluntary suicide is highly unlikely on account of our religious beliefs, plus a heightened self-esteem. Hence, maybe a more suitable articulation to counter the above mentioned would be, "I will live long for our love", as it is more optimistic and less obsessive.

Similarly, proclamations like, "All I have is yours", will not suffice, for we do not hand over everything to strangers for the sake of love, especially not ancestral land, because such a move is considered as taboo. Therefore, a better counter-expression would be, "Take me as I am", as it is simple and genuine.

Fourthly, when producing Afronovelas, bear in mind that despite our native ways, Africans are gradually becoming more new age, and less traditional. Hence, thematic issues such as; soul tribe families, digitalization, as well as spirituality, among many other topics have become more diversified. Thus, when scripting for Afronovelas, it is best to include the new generation of mutated themes, so as to capture Africa in this age of Aquarius.

Finally, Africa is multi-religious, with a pantheon of gods to match. In short, your targeted audience vary in spiritual beliefs and values, therefore, while you consider the cross as a prime part of the telemundo story lines, also be mindful of the crescent moon, the Star of David, among other symbolic representations of our myriad of faiths, while creating Afronovela narratives, for inclusivity on your part will translate to longevity of Afronovelas in the future.

Well, there you have it Televisa. Like I always say, Africa is a meander of traditionalist laws and practices, despite our global presence. All you need to do is gain the knowledge and experience necessary for an eclectic performance, and you will soon be swimming in an ocean of ethnic audience.

 

THE ORACLE SPEAKS; THE DEVIL'S CONTRACT

THE ORACLE SPEAKS; THE DEVIL'S CONTRACT

A deal with the devil will never go in your favour, no matter what the devil's advocate tells you. You are dealing with a master manipulator, one who trades foolish souls for ardent worship, and a pledge of loyalty, when in fact he really cannot afford you to begin with. Lucifer is a creature like you and I, meaning he is on a time limit, fearfully awaiting for the Lord of the earth to drag him to his final destination. There is no grace and mercy for his wretched soul. He knows it, and has rebelliously accepted his fate.

At this juncture, one might be curious to ask exactly what a deal with the devil is. Well, I will gladly explain it to you in plain and simple terms. You see, a deal with the devil is that business contract you so hungrily wish for, that you are willing to cut corners in order to obtain it. Moreover, a deal with the devil is that man or woman you so passionately desire to have, such that you are ready and willing to die for their love. A deal with the devil is that fame you crave so bad, that you are willing to sacrifice your mind, body, and soul for it.

Either way, a deal with the devil is designed to purposely screw you over, because you are hell-bent on getting a desirable outcome out of a murky situation, when in fact you already know that the enemy does not play fair. Consequently, the need to acquire the aforementioned trade offs by all means necessary, puts you in a desperate position, whereby you become a tempt bait by lustful energies, in an attempt to capture your deadliest catch, whether by hook or crook. But once you fall for the temptation, that cunning snake will have found a loophole, through which he will quickly capitalize on, by sending his evil minions to reel you in, and capture you hook, line, and sinker.

From then on, you will transform into a slave, soul-snatched into doing the devil's bidding, there being no rest or piece of mind for your fettered soul. You will notice that it is you who gave Satan power over your life, when you allowed lustful passions drive you to make dangerous liaisons, which are designed to make you self-destruct. Like I said, a contract with the devil is never binding, at least not to him. You will always be the sacrificial lamb to an evil deal, and an unfortunate victim of abuse, with a heavy noose around your neck, dragged to the butcher, to await slaughter. Sure, you will enjoy a few perks, like silver and gold, for a while but at the cost of your eternal life.

Furthermore, you will swim in money and enjoy massive fame, but sickness and disease will never leave your path. There is nothing for nothing with this prince of darkness. Your naïvety will be your own undoing. Therefore, know your enemy, before you rush to make grave agreements with him. Satan does not care about you or your mother. Infact, he could care less about your existence. But the very fact that your Maker loves you, is the reason for his hatred of you. This fallen one is a text book narcissist, and the barbaric leader of the toxic gang.

Yet, do not pay him any attention, for he does not deserve it. His grudge is not with you but with his Creator, so let him take it up with The Holy One. Your path is different, and your destiny is already curved out for you to step into fulfilment. You should be signing beneficial engagements with your God, because He will never betray your trust, nor leave or forsake you. I know that it might take a long while before you can align with your purpose but you need the life lessons, in order to build up your moral stamina.

Nothing comes easy in life, therefore do not be in a hurry to get to your destination without following due process. In any case, how will you maintain victory and success, without divine strength, courage, and wisdom? The devil would not know anything about due process, if it hit him in his evil head. All he knows is to kill, steal, and destroy the destinies of men, for his sick pleasure. Similarly, get rich quick schemes are solely associated with this ancient snake, and that is why they always end up in smoke. Consequently, do not partner up with your adversary, for you will foolishly destroy your life. Instead, learn to be patient and wait on God, for no good thing will God withhold from those who patiently wait on Him.

Also, do not allow the false prophets to peddle falsehoods in your ear, concerning a relationship with your Maker. There is no need for you to sow seeds for a miracle breakthough. That is the devil talking with the voice of your charismatic teachers. You being alive and well for the past twenty years of your life is a miracle in itself, which you never sowed any seeds for. Even the devil himself depends on the Almighty for his existence, evil as he is, yet God still sustains his wicked self. Did he sow any seeds to be alive?

Thus, think before you act dear mortals. No matter how powerful you believe the devil is, always remember the one who breathed life into him holds the ultimate power. Life is too short to be taking shortcuts that will ruin you. No matter how rich a deal is, always remember that your soul cannot be traded for anything in this world. Therefore, do not go selling yourself cheaply to demonic entities for paper money, that is perishable, and not worth your precious life. Besides, you are fearfully and wonderfully made to be gallivanting with nonentities.

To conclude, the devil is not your friend, for he does not have a moral compass to possess the integrity needed to maintain any type of loyalty to you. Therefore, the next time a deal with the devil is paraded your way, do the logical thing and run for cover, before lust and greed catches up to you, and in turn you end upon on the wrong side of the tracks, that leads one on the highway to hell.