EBONY SANDALS
I could not feel my face, and my eyes were blurry from
all that vodka I had consumed. I laughed so hard, reminiscent of my fleeting
life. One day, I was over the moon in love, and the very next day, I did not
want to live anymore. Poor me. If only I could turn back the hands of time, and
change the ugly course of my pathetic life. Perhaps then Benny would return,
and love the newly re-modeled me.
The surgeon was convinced that the cosmetic surgery
would improve my love life tremendously. But alas! Even miracles could not fix
our crumbled relationship. Benny fell out of love with me. I just chose to
ignore the rifting distance between us, and continued to play the role of the
good wife. Now look at me, I have lost the use of my heart. I am an empty shell
of my former bubbly self. Nothing excites me anymore. I constantly dwell in the
past, to re-live my glory days.
The future is unrecognizable to me. I am unable to
separate the truth from the jive. I smile to fool people that I am over the
pain of divorce but in reality, the weed is keeping me afloat, so as not to
fall apart in raging anger. I do not even know the state of my very own
children. Benny took them away from me, to live with the new found love. My
God, if I sunk any lower than my current state, then I would be no better than
a corpse.
I lost my sense of direction. I am not able to embrace
reality. Nowadays, I just sit in solitude, unable to snap out of Benny. What
did he do to me? What kind of hold does he have over me? I cannot seem to function, ever since he left me for good. I really
wish to forgive and forget him but I am holding on to his return, five years
on. Maybe if I wished upon two bright stars, Benny would finally come back home
to me, so that we could be a family again.
If Benny game me a slim chance, I would remind him of
our honeymoon years ago, of how happy we were, before I became sick. I would
also show him those ebony sandals he gifted me, when we first met each other. I
preserved them to date, as a reminder of his love for me. I would equally
accept the doctor's diagnosis of my illness and in turn take the prescribed
medication, which will make me better. I would especially not endanger the
children or make him worry over us.
Until then, I am holding on to our love. My heart only
beats for Benny, and only him. These rummaging thoughts will not stop me from
clinging on to my true love. I bet you that sooner or later, he will dismiss
that husband-snatcher, and run back to me. I will be waiting with open arms for
his return, and then, we will never part. Perhaps Benny needs me to protect him
from that strange woman.
What is more, I am convinced that she seduced him into
her arms, and now he is struggling to find his way out. As a result, I must
rescue him, and the children from that Jezebel. No, I am not crazy! I am a
soldier of love. The doctor is convinced that I have developed a bi-polar
disorder, or is it schizophrenia? I am not sure which is which, for I rejected
his examination on me, and threw all my medicine in the dumpster.
I know that Benny will circle back to me any day now.
He at times comes to the house and we talk for hours, laughing at dancing
shadows on the walls of our marital home. Benny loves me very much. He will
never leave me. Benny's lawyers served me the last of the divorce papers but I
know that they were lying to me. Benny could never leave me. I told my family
about the divorce papers, and consequently, they convinced me to hide in a
secret asylum, where the lawyers could not play mind games with me.
Hence, I agreed to disappear for a while but on
condition that I bid goodbye to my Benny. Nonetheless, every call I made to him
went unanswered. Thus, I got worried, and decided to pay him a visit at his
place of work. Needless to say, he was not pleased to see me, and painfully
ordered me out of his life. His cruel words brought me to welling tears that
stung my eyes, and stained my cheeks, as I sobbed uncontrollably.
No sooner had I collapsed on to the sofa behind me,
from the pain of rejection, than my head snapped. I do not know exactly what
came over me but before I could control my weeping self, I reached for the
knife in my bag and passionately began to stab Benny in the stomach with it. My
eyes became blurry from that bizarre episode, that I could not see blood profusely
trickling down his lifeless body, and on to my ebony sandals.
Meanwhile, my head kept spinning hard, making me feel
faint. I finally dropped the knife in my hand, as I lost all cognisance. Today,
I will go and visit Benny. The doctors say I am well able to see him, and lay a
fresh wreath on his grave. I cannot wait to go and meet him. I must wear my
ebony sandals, because he loved the way I looked in them.
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