BEWARE OF TOXIC POSITIVITY JUNKIES!

 

BEWARE OF TOXIC POSITIVITY JUNKIES!

If I hear one more time of some positivity junky excessively crooning at me on how to live a victorious life, I will joust them out of my life expeditiously. I am yet making another disclaimer that if I get to hear another taunting mantra that tells me, "You should be grateful of the challenges that life throws at you!" I will very much choke somebody to death. I say, go on and hold a celebration for all the problems in your life, if you must but permit me to wallow in my sorrows in peace.

Must you always force the sun to shine on my pain? Will you not allow me to grieve in solitude, while I wait for the burden to slowly and naturally lift off my shoulders, before you can drag me to the mountain and bombard me with your never-ending sermons about loving thy neighbour or how to live my life like it is golden?

It will behoove you to know that some of us appreciate walking through the five stages of the grieving process, before we can let the sunshine in. But positivity junkies will not let us rest with their "Forgive, forget and let it go!" messages. Oh, how I at times loath their overly sunny dispositions. Listen up all you motivational junkies! I just want to enjoy greasy food, hard liquor, and sad movies in solitude. There is no need to quote so many bible scriptures on to me, for God's sake.

Speaking of the bible, the worst positivity junkies are bible enthusiasts, especially the ones that love to attack every challenge, by quoting scriptural verses, every waking second. How annoying it is, when all you need is a kiss and hug, to make it through a dark period, instead a bible fanatic will prance on you out of nowhere, with a psalm or a beatitude in hand that has totally no connection to your current situation. How about I quote a harsh proverb in retaliation, and see if you like it?

One zealot cousin of mine heard of my heart-wrenching betrayal story, and thought of it as an opportunity to gospelmatize me with the long version of Joseph and his hateful brothers. All I needed was a home-cooked meal and a local rib-cracking stand-up comedy series to neutralize the sting of those back-stabbing decepticons.

Needless to say, this relative would not give me the satisfaction of taking the normal route of dusting my shoulders off, and disassociating from my enemies. Instead, she had the nerve to ask me to swallow my hurt, forgive, and make good with my foes, for it was the righteous thing to do. Consequently, I had the mind to bruise her cheek with a hard-core slap but instead, I brutally chased her out of my presence.

What of those woke alarmists who give you unsolicited advice? These truth-mongers will first bombard you with their x-files, before they kill and finish you off with all their conspiracy theories. What is more, you must imbibe their reality, whether you like it or not. God forbid that they should allow you a moment of ignorance, when they have a database full of incriminating evidence of all the apocalyptic plans of the devil, to pelt you with.

The woke alarmists also love to speak on topics such as, the illuminati or the mark of the beast. It is true that the end of the world soon approaches but that is no reason to feed our souls with constant fear. Hence, I pray not to stumble upon another recommended viral content about dooms day predictions, an impending alien invasion or unidentified flying objects, because I just might loose my cool, and block everyone on social media.

How about those vegan peddlers out here, who preach loudly about the need to avoid meat products from our diet? Before any of you vegetarians approach me with your fifty reasons as to why I should not partake in consuming meat, I must warn you beforehand that you all should leave me be, for I have a special permit from the Creator of all meat products, which allows me to freely ingest any type of meat delectably approved under the Mosaic law.

Moreover, I need strong animal protein, in order for my brain function to attain maximum capacity. Besides, I owe it to my ancestors to pour libations and offer juicy meat offerings upon their sacred graves, just as they like it. Needless to say, my cultural traditions tramp your modern beliefs, so we best leave it at that.

Equally, I would like to completely ignore those therapeutic agents, with their condescending questions such as, "How does the hurt make you feel?" Well, if you must know Counsellor, it makes me feel stupid answering rhetoric questions. Anyhow, what I really need is to heal from my mental traumas, and not re-live them. Therefore, are you capable of making me feel whole again or do I yet seek another consult?

What of those health nuts and gym rats, who put you on a Ninja Warrior type of an obstacle course and claim that, "The pain you are experiencing is all in your head. What? So, I should ignore the throbbing pain in my body and instead indulge in an imaginative high? I may be many things but being crazy is not a problem I struggle with. On second thought, a Zumba class with an easy dance spin will do for me, thank you very much.

How about those junky pastors who are always preaching to their congregants to sow seeds for miraculous blessings? All I hear them say is, "Plant a seed money worth a hundred dollars and watch God prosper you!" My friend, do not loose your brain and get financially scammed in the process. I beseech you to quietly leave the church premise, quickly run for the hills, and wisely burry your money in a viable investment that will profit you in the future.

Let us also not forget about those feminist devotees with their eternal slogan of, "The future is female!" I may somewhat agree with this catchphrase but where does my son fit into this empowerment agenda? Better yet, where are all the men in their feminine roles? Because, that is the only way they will relate, as well as participate in this movement.

Lastly, let us discuss those love mongers, with their deathly obsession over their love interests, clinging on to them like leeches, all in the name of unconditional love. Furthermore, they toxify love by claiming that, “No one can love you like I can!” which often turns into a crime of passion. Therefore, avoid these enamoured souls, by choosing peace and tranquility. So, the next time a positivity junky comes your way, learn the art of dodging, for your own good.