A SPECIAL GUIDE FOR ALL THE AFROPEANS, SEEKING TO RELOCATE BACK TO AFRICA

 

A SPECIAL GUIDE FOR ALL THE AFROPEANS, SEEKING TO RELOCATE BACK TO AFRICA

Sure, we welcome all you Afropeans back to the third world, our beloved motherland. Africa will always be your home, no doubt. Therefore, there is no need for locating your national roots through the ancestry website. Just pick a country of your choice, and relocate to it. I promise you all that wherever you land within the continent, it will feel like sweet home. But first, I feel that I must give you all a heads up, because of the impending culture shock you will experience.

Of course, you will be bombarded by dejà vù nostalgic emotions of your ancestral home, soon as your feet touch the African soil, as it is expected. But soon thereafter, you will start to feel an overwhelming crave of the social amenities you took for granted while living abroad. Despite the rapid growth happening in Africa, there are many third-world cultures, as well as resources that have not yet fully developed. Thus, it might take a rapid mental adjustment on your part, in order to cope with your new environment.

Let us start with the weather. The motherland is blessed with favourable climate all year round. Moreover, there is plenty of rain and sunshine for you to bask and pleasure in. Count your lucky stars that snow can only be seen on mountain peaks, for it is a rare occurrence on this side of the Sahara. With these blessed weather, brings about variety of natural fruits and vegetables that you will enjoy savouring all-year long.

So, do not worry, for you will not starve. However, I must caution you that communicable diseases are imminent, thus you might want to plan a doctor’s visit for a few jabs, if only for your own piece of mind. Otherwise, you have my word that once you settle in and grow a few natural shock-absorbers within your mind, body, and soul, then all will be well with you.

Housing and electricity is considered a blessing in Africa, because many rural and urban homes are still lacking in both housing development, as well as power supply. Therefore, we do not take for granted such comforts and you should not either. Nonetheless, be warned that power supply fluctuates many a times because of frequent blackouts, so patience is required on your part. Yet, if you cannot deal with constant power interruptions, you may go for an alternative source and lucky for you, solar is readily available.

Fresh and salty water is in plenty too, depending on where you choose to relocate to. Although, I must caution you that most rental homes do not have indoor plumbing. Consequently, you might be required by circumstances to either pay out of pocket, or do what the locals do, by going to the nearest water pools or water posts, to fetch and carry jerrycans of water on your head or by the help of a hired donkey. On the bright side, think of all the money you can save on both indoor plumbing and gym equipment. Awesome, right?

Transportation is will absolutely blow your mind. Here in Africa, most people rely on, and very much prefer public transportation, for it is cheaper and way faster than any other way of commode. Moreover, we have plenty ways of travel to choose from including; bus shuttles, mini vans, taxis, and the fastest of all, the motorbikes. Regular people do not have the time nor money to spend on private vehicles, thus they settle for the cheapest way of travel.

Mode of transportation will require a serious mental adjustment on your part, because apart from the slow traffic and the horrible roads, most drivers do not care much for road safety as they do money. So, you are strongly advised to have a serious bond with your maker, because you most definitely need the daily protection.

Speaking of which, religion is the opium of your native brethren. As a result, you are required to swallow your atheist traditions and new-age philosophies, while dealing with the locals. Otherwise, you will end up being blacklisted in many communities as a Khafir or worse, Satan’s breed. I will have you know that spirituality is a complex maze in the motherland, therefore I will strongly advise you to give us the teachings of His Majesty, our Lord and Saviour, for we do not want no devil’s philosophy. But incase you are unable to do so, please close your eyes and look the other way, for your own good.

The economics of Africa also does need divine intervention. Jobs are hard to come by. Therefore, you Afropeans need a big brain and God on your side, for money to flow to you. I will recommend you to use your skills, gifts and talents, in order to prosper, for you cannot rely only on eight to five day jobs to progress financially, unless you are a professional working in international organizations. Otherwise, work with what the divine blessed you with, if you want to make it in the motherland.

The African society, though modern, is as conservative and somewhat rigid, especially with issues of love and marriage. The good thing is that your chances of finding true love, as well as lasting connections are high, though this is not a guarantee. Yet, should you feel that Africa is too complex for you, and that you wish to embrace the diaspora as your permanent residence, then by all means, go for it! I once again do welcome all you Afropeans back home. Akwaba!