THE CHALLENGES OF BEING A MODERN AFRICAN WOMAN

 

STRUGGLE LOVE: AFRICAN EDITION; PART 3

THE CHALLENGES OF BEING A MODERN AFRICAN WOMAN

The modern African woman is becoming increasingly and fiercely independent. She is highly educated and raking more money than ever before. She is sort after in her field and soaring high in her career. In short, she is of high value and has excelled in all aspects of her life, except for love. When it comes to romantic partnership, this modern African woman struggles to find a soulmate who is on her level. The saying is true that the African woman is empowered but there is not an empowered African man equal to her and fit for her. This is not to say that men of her equal do not exist. Infect, they do exist in droves. However, these high value men are either single by choice and do not wish to marry at the moment, they do have their sights set elsewhere, or they simply do not value marriage.

Yet, no matter how high the modern African woman goes up the ladder of success, society always will find a way to pull her back down. Unlike women of other races, the modern African woman must deal with the belittling mindset of marriage as being definitive of her value. The pressure to get married is almost near detrimental to the modern African woman. Her family will always remind her of her biological clock, amidst all her achievements and accolades. They will then suggest suitable partners for her, mostly in their rural church and guilt trip her daughter into having children before she “dries up for good.” It is not good enough that she takes good care of her entire family, she will be pressured to appease her parents, eventually bow to it and pick a partner, especially of their preferred choice, for the sake of marriage.

Most modern African children are parent-pleasers, more so because of the mindset that has been shaped by our traditions and cemented by the church. Hence, one feels guilty for having an opinion that goes contrary to their family beliefs. Hence, when you get enough courage to speak your mind, your family will quickly remind you of the need to embrace these old age values that are overtaken by time, for the sake of peace, failure to which you are automatically labelled as a rebel and an outcast.

Such bully tactics by families have left many modern Africans feeling guilty and therefore needing to tow the line, for their own peace of mind. It is no wonder then that we find it difficult to venture into ground-breaking moves and ideas, because our families are always tagging on our heels, with an invisible timer in their hands, counting down your biological days, to when we will become menopausal and dried up, just because we went against the norm and chose our freedom over their traditions.

The modern African woman is the major target of this barbarism. When push comes to shove, she will almost always settle for less than what she deserves, especially when she is being driven top speed to the altar, by her rigid clan members. Her family will most likely have their unsuitable partner, who will most likely be logically chosen for her, based on his material wealth and family status. Meanwhile, the high value man who regards her as royalty, a man she has an eye on and with whom she wants to share her whole life with, would probably not make the cut for a choice partner, perhaps because he maybe from another tribe, religion or he does not have the required financial status, thereby being rendered as unfit.

The husband chosen for the modern African woman must surely be a simpleton, if he freely allows to dig into his affairs, to the point of letting his family choose a wife on his behalf, instead of being brave enough to choose a woman of his heart’s desire. This type of man will most definitely marry the modern African woman, take her word as law and be submissive to her. This man could have potential but not eager or confident enough to stretch himself to the heights of success. He is most likely comfortable where he is. She will have children by him, for the sake of her parents and live with him, more for her marital status, than for love. She will also probably keep her name and her assets for her children, and they will most probably remain cordial, for the rest of their days.

On the other hand, the modern African woman may opt to remain single, despite of the threats by her kin to disown her, if she persists on marrying her career. She will also be bold enough to remain alone, than to settle for an arranged marriage and thereby becoming embittered in life. She will boldly declare to herself that it is better to be alone than unhappy. The modern African woman also has the option of having children for herself and raise them by herself. These children could either be biological or adopted. This option is not ideal, yet to her, this is a great way to have a family, while still maintaining her career and her freedom.

My wish is that every modern African woman find the man of her dreams and embrace love, without the limitations of culture and traditions. I would also wish that she should not settle for less than the best. She should also not limit herself within her race, because perhaps it could be where she finds true love.