STRUGGLE LOVE: AFRICAN EDITION; PART 6
MEN
TOO STRUGGLE IN LOVE
This
is the tale of the modern African man, who shows romantic interest on a potential
love partner and decide to ask her out on a date, knowing to abide by the gentleman’s
code of; choosing the location, chauffeuring his date to the location, as well
as picking up the cheque for meals consumed, and taking her back home. Additionally,
should he put out a request for a night cup, in the follow-up dates, he should also
politely accept any answer she gives him and be ok with it. Any insistence on
his part will likely be taken to be as rude or impolite.
This modern African man takes on the ninety-day rule challenge, as a test for his commitment to his potential partner. If he does not pass this test, then he is regarded as foul. But should he comply with the ninety-day rule, he is rewarded with a kiss and an official pass to the “we are now in a relationship” level. During the time of the relationship he is also subject to the gentleman’s guide of being a provider, which he must adhere to. This means that he must take full care of her needs, financial or otherwise but if he fails, he is dismissed as broke and not a potential match.
The
modern African man must also not question her beliefs, movements or whereabouts,
for she is an independent and free-spirited woman, even if he provides all her
needs. The question of moving in and living together is on point, as long as
she gets to have a place of her own, when she needs a break from him and the
world. She does not do domestic chores. Housework is not her forté. He resorts
to hire a house help, because his potential love interest is busy with work,
while weekends are for her rest and recuperation. Her money is her money but
his money is their money. When he brings up the topic of marriage, she asks for
more time, because she does not feel ready yet to take the giant leap into matrimony.
Having children is not her priority either. She must first take good care of
herself, before she can take care of anyone else.
When
his money starts to dwindle, she too must dwindle out of the relationship, as it
no longer serves her. I mean, why else would she stay with a man who cannot provide
for her? He is devastated and heartbroken when she breaks-up with him, yet he
must not show his pain in public, for it is frowned upon. He learns to quickly
pick up the pieces and move on with his shattered life. However, when his life
begins to bud again, he must hurry back to his potential love and convince her
to marry him. He knows that she will receive him in good faith, especially when
his economy is reviving and showing much improvement.
The
modern African man, out of fear of loosing his potential love, makes a rush
decision to propose a marriage deal to her. She, of course does say yes and hurries
into make plans for a lavish wedding, all on his account. His friends do not
agree with his decision to marry a conniving woman, who dumped him in time of
his major struggles. They make it their business to choose a preferred partner
for him. But he manages to convince them that it is better to engage with the
devil he knows than angel he does not know. Once they marry in the eyes of God,
she moves in with him, and manipulates him by suggesting to him that a
three-year soul bonding is needed, before he makes a demand for a baby. This
way, they get to romance and prolong their honeymoon phase for a period of
three years, before finally settling for children. He does not like the plan
but agrees to it, in order to avoid marital conflict.
The
modern African man is committed to the marriage but his new wife does not care
for the marriage as such. Her numerous demands always take the centre stage of
their relationship. Her night life does not cease, her friends are her
priority, and she is constantly trolling for new exciting and adventures that
exclude her husband. She does not like it when his parents interfere in their
marriage, pushing for them to have children. Infact, she hates his parents and forces
him to cut relations with them. He reluctantly does and severs ties with them
permanently.
In
their fourth year of marriage, the modern African man reminds his wife of their
need to have children but she cruelly shuts him off with the silent treatment. How
dare he try to put such a huge burden on her shoulders, while her career is taking
off? He threatens to leave if she does not comply but she ignores his threats, fully
convinced that he can never leave her, even if he tries. In their fifth year,
he yet again, makes his demand for a child known and in turn, she disappears
for a fortnight, with the intent of punishing him. She knows that it bothers him
when she ghosts him out of the blue. She does not want to be a mother, at least
not until she has squeezed the fun out of life. But this time, he does not go
out in search for her. Instead, he decides to leave her for good.
The
modern African man is not known to make drastic decisions but due to this
never-ending cycle of dysfunction, he decides that he has had enough of this
struggle love and opts out of it for good this time round. In the two weeks she
took off and disappeared on him, he puts their marital home up for sale and
moves in silence to an undisclosed destination.
Meanwhile,
the mean-spirited wife is shell-shocked at her husband’s response of complete
and absolute disregard for her. He does not insistently call or run after her, the
way he used to before. After the two weeks had elapsed, she drags herself back to
him, only to find a “for sale” sign in her former house and divorce papers at
the mail box. What she thought is forever hers turned out not to be. She kills her
happily ever after and there is no coming back from that. This is the story of
many modern African men, who find themselves in toxic love dynamics that lead
them to lives full of heart breaks and disappointments.
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