Being Single and Solid

Being Single and Solid

Most people think that it is weird that I am still single at my age. Well, it is not that I want to be single but it is because I have not met the one that is meant for me. The truth is that ever since someone convinced me that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, I have constantly been seeking men from Mars but all I find are men that are from Neptune and Pluto, that are dark, cold, distant and absolutely toxic.

At my age, I do not have the energy to tolerate such complexities. Whenever I come across Neptune or Pluto men, I always refer them to a therapist or encourage them to find Jesus, for their issues always require supernatural solutions. They do at times obsessively insist that I am their wish fulfilment, while exuding stalker vibes on the side, prompting me to run for the hills and completely disappear off their radar.

At first, Neptune and Pluto appear normal and sane when they first approach me. But after the first two to five dates, their masks fall off, exposing their dysfunction, with all the red and black flags waving danger signs in my face, warning me to proceed with caution and quickly find the nearest exit.

Infact, there is one particular Pluto who made my blood turn cold and sent shivers down my spine whenever he smiled at me. There was something about his smile that made his eyes darken, which reminded me of the joker in the Batman movie. Yet he came off as shy, introverted, eerie-quiet, low vibrational and somewhat fragile. Yet there was nothing delicate or weak about Pluto. He never said much but he absorbed much with his energy, almost draining mine whenever he stared at me.

Everytime we planned to meet up, a still small voice kept whispering in my ear that I should abort this relationship, otherwise there was about to be a fatal attraction, accompanied by a series of unfortunate events on my part. Needless to say, I should have listened to that same still small voice but I did not, because Pluto turned psycho on me, further down the relationship.

He would call me at odd hours of the night and when I did not pick up his calls, he would leave about twenty messages in a row for me, accusing me of being a cheat and threatening to kill me, if I did not respond. Moreover, his pessimism overshadowed him, for was obsessively thinking dark thoughts, borderline suicidal and outright manic.

Long story short, I was forced by his negative behaviour, to ghost, block and skip town, because Pluto became totally co-dependent upon me. He could not take no for an answer, constantly stalked me everyday of that short-lived relationship, casted death spells against me, and wished death upon me every chance he got. It was then that I made the decision to leave him. Since then, I have neither heard nor seen Pluto. Thank God, I dodged a bullet!

This is the story of my life! In a quest to swim with the sharks, I almost always end up in a pond with frogs, rats and snakes. Maybe it is something in me that attracts the Neptune and Pluto to me. I therefore, I took the initiative to discover what lies beneath my surface that makes these type of personalities drawn to me. Well, it turns out that aside from being a people pleaser, a lack of self love and weak boundaries were my achilles heel. With that, I had found the missing piece to my puzzle.

In short, I was a magnet for both gold and waste metal and I was not able to figure out which is which. This realization was so eye-opening and very sad at the same time. So, I decided to take time and figure out this love and marriage thing. Meanwhile, I am living single by choice. Granted, it has its short-comings but it is better to be in singleville than to be playing cat and mouse with Neptune and Pluto, hiding from their psychopathic tendencies.

These days, as I await on Mars to come along, it is all about self-care for me. Yes, singletude has its perks; I am able to make decisions and act on them decisively without involving anyone, I eat, sleep and do whatever I want, when I want. I am also taking a journey of purpose, into self-actualization, because why not?

Perhaps this journey is been led by the divine, in His timing and the lessons learnt on the journey are what He will use to propel me into my destiny. I also know that all things are working together for my highest good, therefore I am fully persuaded that the past and present is shaping my future.

I have forgiven Neptune and Pluto, surrendering them all to the universe. Even though I knew that I was never in the position to render them the help they needed, I also know that only God can step in and heal whatever ails them.

Here is a message for all you single people, over the age of fourty and still believe in love; it will find you when you least expect it. However, do not settle for less in love out of desperation or sheer frustration. Instead, give yourself the time to grow inwardly, treat yourself with kindness, pursue your purpose in life and in the midst of working it out, love will find a way to you.

Just like you, I am a believer of true love and just like you, I am waiting for divine timing. It may take a long while but it is inevitable. So, fellow singletudes, level up, stay grounded in your power, make the most of your lone time, for you never know when you are going to stumble upon your soulmate.