THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR IN 2023
Being Fourty and Single!....
A
friend of mine called me on that special day, to wish me a happy birthday. Then
he made it known to me that I had reached the afternoon of my life. It is the
way he said it, so cut-throat, that forced me into the reality that I had aged.
Well, so much for honesty. Nevertheless, his words got me thinking, “Where did
the years go?” As I stood before the mirror to my reflection, and realized that
indeed age had caught up with me. You see, the crooked lines on my forehead
gave my age away.
However,
with the new technology and advancement in medicine, there is nothing that a
little nip and tuck would not fix. Infact, it would shed ten years off me, in
one fix. All I need is cold hard cash invested, to suspend the aging process. Nowadays,
fourty is the new twenty five, or so they say to whatever rocks their boat, and
whoever came up with this slogan was clearly holding on too tightly to their
youth, otherwise the saying does not make any sense. But I digress.
So
there I was in front of the mirror, looking in my reflection, contemplating the
years gone by. I was fourty, and without a husband or a partner or even some
sought of known relationship. Yes, my thoughts had veered into a dangerous
territory. This is a touchy subject that I do not like diving into.
Nevertheless,
I must speak on it, so help me God. Well, if you must know, the truth is that I
am still waiting on the one, whoever and wherever he is. At least, this is the concocted
answer that I give to my nosey friends and relatives, when they constantly
inquire of the reason for my singletude, “The Lord has not yet spoken.”
I
could win a noble piece prize for my great literary achievements, divide all
that money to my kinfolk, and still they would pressure me into marriage. To
them, starting a family, despite all my accolades, is more important than acquiring
an education. “Will those papers sire children or take care of you when you
grow old?” I could build a house for every time I have been asked this question.
All
my young ones, married and with a brood of toddlers, will be paraded before me,
as a reminder of my ‘shortcomings’, and hence my need for emulating them, for
the sake of my concerned kinfolk. You see, what will people say about them,
seeing as their middle-aged daughter is not yet married? Yes, the opinion of many,
regarding my marital status deeply affects my family’s reputation. Hence, I
feel pressured to find a husband and start a family, for their sake.
I
wonder though, if the men in their forties are pressed to marry and what their
solutions are. Where do they go to hide from the pressure, so that I may join
them? Honestly, there is no answer to why I am single. I just am, and contrary
to popular belief that I may be spiritually compromised, I believe that I am
single by choice.
Actually,
one local preacher, from my community, once tried to convince me that my
ancestors had barred me from getting married, and that there was need for me to
undergo a spiritual birth to appease them. This would require a cleansing on my
part, accompanied by a hefty sacrifice, one that would allow me to receive a
gate pass into matrimony.
This
community pastor must have been hired by my kinfolk to conjure up this cock and
bull story, because he is always present in every of my family celebrations, clutching
a bible underneath his left armpit and having inaudible whispers with my nosey aunts
behind the scenes. Come to think of it, I never saw him perusing through the
scriptures, to proclaim the holy word. Instead, he always give long
motivational speeches that always seem to pump praise on to the elderly folks,
who of course generously compensate him for his starry words.
According
to this local pastor, my ancestors consider my marital progress as a detriment
to their rest in the afterlife and therefore, the marriage altar cannot speak,
if the altar of the ancestors has not been appeased. Besides, I had imbibed too
much of the white man’s culture that if I were to sire children, they would be born
to completely annihilate the set traditions, which in turn, would lead to disastrous
consequences on their part.
In
short, I was a danger to their traditions and a spiritual cleanse would save
these traditions? Well, at that point, it is best to say that I questioned both
our sanity, his for his stupid revelations, and mine, for my giving thought to
them. How would a commune of dead people be worried about the living single? How
does pastor know more about traditional beliefs than he does scriptures? How
are we dangling between two opinions? Do we follow God or our ancestors? Ah,
being Afro Christian is a tall order.
Yes,
God forgive me for hiding behind your name but this is the only way I get to dodge
my over zealous kinfolk, who always put me on the spot, whenever there is a
family gathering. Speaking of which, I have a mind of pulling a Houdini on these
family festivities, until I can find myself a partner or hire one, for the sake
of my peace.
Anyway,
I am of a different mindset compared to my folks. As they rush me into marriage,
by constantly setting me up on blind dates, I on the other hand am too set in
my ways that I may be too old to be domesticated. Like I said marriage may not
be for me. You see, the issue of having children at this age makes me shatter. How
about the issue of in-laws? These topics require their own special discourse.
My
career takes centre stage for now. I love my current job, for it allows me many
days of staying at home. I figured that this is the most serious commitment I
have since joining twitter. Did I mention that I am fourty and single? In
everything, I give God thanks and show my gratitude everyday for His goodness
and mercy.
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