A LOVE UNCONDITIONAL MADE FOR THE NINTEES

 

STRUGGLE LOVE: AFRICAN EDITION; PART 2

A LOVE UNCONDITIONAL MADE FOR THE NINTEES

I knew of a lady, who was a neighbor, where I grew up as a child. Her husband was unemployed for years on end. He stayed home, while she went to work an eight to five, sometimes working during the weekends and on public holidays. In those days, it was very strange to see a man staying at home for years, while his wife transformed into a bread winner. It was the first case I had encountered in my entire existence, and it baffled me. I did not dare ask any soul why this lady accepted to take on such a heavy burden onto herself, because I knew that had I put my nose into their business, I would have landed myself a cruel beating, for even daring to discuss grown folk business. Therefore, I watched in silence, while becoming exceedingly curious about this couple. In all their years, this woman remained steadfastly submissive to her husband. They never fought or argued, well at least not in public.

When the time came for her to retire from public service, they were still together as one. She had managed to acquire land, and built a family home for them. As I write this piece, they are still in one accord in their old age. How did she do it? How did she manage to persevere and still hold on to the marriage? I mean, what kind of unique soul does she possess? The issue of money in a relationship is either makes or breaks a marriage. Yet, none of that seemed to move this woman. Even when her children were faced with serious challenges at various times, and money was needed to sort them out, she alone bore the burden, and saw them through those challenges.

Perhaps I am myopic in this case, because I only got to see the side I was exposed to but in any case, this woman is still my hero, for she endured where many would have faltered. Nonetheless, struggle love is eminent in this case, however the question still remains; how was she been able to hold out for so long? My guess is of course the question of those wedding vows, till death do us part, of which they both took to another level, and raised the bar for everyone else. Then there was the case of those oral traditions that often vilified a woman for being a divorcée. In those days, a woman would rather endure abuse, poverty or infertility, than to be labelled a divorcée, for it had stigma written all over it. Although, I hardly believe that they both thought of being divorced. As a matter of fact, their love for one another stood the test if time.

Moreover, there was the influence of the church. I mean, forget what the bible says; a pastor’s counsel was, and still is, taken as law. In the nineties, where biblical truths were revered, no church minister would openly grant his or her congregant permission to divorce. The least couples could do, at the time, was to separate indefinitely. Similarly, the voice of the community was extremely powerful at the time. It mattered then what society said about your life. So, in order for people not to speculate on your marital life, you had no choice but to endure it, even if it was killing you.

Back to our extra ordinary couple; they still do intrigue me to this day and I especially hold that woman in high regard, for she is the definition of a ride or die. Perhaps if I found a partner with whom we both share unconditional love ad they did, then it will be possible for us to live out our days together, whether in poverty or in wealth, whatever the case maybe. Nonetheless, the hard question still lingers; would her husband have equally remained ever so loyal to her, if the shoe was in his foot? Would he have treated her with disregard and contempt, had he been financially taking care of the home? Would he have gone out of his way to marry another woman out of spite? Why could he not find a job at a time when jobs were looking for people? I still wonder to this day.

However, I could never be that bold as to regard such a relationship as imbalanced, where a woman is the bread winner, perhaps because I was raised on a different set of rules. Yet In this day and age of female emancipation, our society has changed and no longer holding us back with traditions that have long become extinct. Hence, such relationships have become common place, because of different underlying circumstances of life for different couples. Today, it is not that big of a deal, if a woman solely supports a home and if it is out of her own volition, then it is no struggle at all.

Comparably, you will notice that more African women are gradually opting for the single life, while shying away from the married life. Many are choosing carriers over wifely duties, more so because the white man’s education has provided them with options. Even so, would an African woman be a ride or die in this age and time? Well, some are ride or die, depending more so on their family values and economic status but more so, of their world view that heightens their levels of co-dependency. Still, majority of women in Africa are independent and prefer to ride solo, while they patiently wait on their ideal partner to manifest in their lives.