A GENERATIONAL STRUGGLE

 

STRUGGLE LOVE: AFRICAN EDITION; PART 1

 A GENERATIONAL STRUGGLE

Struggle love has deeply been embedded in the African culture for generations, whereby oral traditions set the woman up to shoulder the toughest of burdens for the family unit, with little to no compensation. Long before the white man ever thought of exploring Africa, our fore-mothers had long borne the sting of tradition that subjected them to unfair, grueling and inhumane laws and regulations. According to these traditions, a female child automatically took the role of a burden-bearer. In childhood, she was trained to take care of everyone but herself. It was mandatory for her to learn how to cook, clean, and care for her younger siblings. She was also required to be virtuous, modest, prim and proper at all times. It was an inequitable balance of set roles, compared to her counterpart, whose only requirement was to train fiercely, in anticipation of manhood.

In her teenage years, and barely a woman, the girl child was vigorously prepped for marriage, and taught by her kin folk on the importance of servitude to her husband and his entire family, acquired through an arranged marriage. Her female relatives pressed her further on the importance of servitude and the respect it will accord her, if she devalued herself enough for the sake of her betrothed. Therefore, a suitor would be chosen for her, mostly a mature male, who was old enough to be her father. She was sold to him in the name of marriage, and escorted to his house, to begin a life of servitude. Her life remained at the mercy of her husband, for he was accorded the rights to her, by tradition of course, to make decisions about her life, from the clothes she wore, the food she was allowed to cook and eat, to the number of children she would have for him.

Regardless, should she have been unfortunate enough not to bear him any children, then she was forced to accept another woman to reign in her stead, in order that he may have children to succeed him. Male children were essential, in order for him to perpetuate his name on to the next generation. Female children were also necessary, for wealth accumulation, especially so when they were old enough to be sold to the highest bidder, in matrimony. If her husband, later in life, decided to take up a third wife, when he dimmed it fit, because tradition allowed him to do so, he would not hesitate. Meanwhile, all his wife was required, by the same tradition, was to remain loyal and ever so committed to her husband, failure to which she stood a chance of being divorced and fiercely be driven back to her clan. Hence, her family would have to endure the shame, for she will have soiled their reputation and dragged the family name in the mud. As a result, this would also affect the chances of her female siblings from getting suitable partners to marry them.  

Needless to say, her family would, in turn, render her a reproach and she would remain desolate in her father’s house. But if she served her husband with honour, love and affection, then perhaps he would be kind enough to reward her, either with gifts or with gratitude. It was left to him to decide on her worth. Furthermore, if death came calling to her husband, his brother would then step in to inherit his late brother’s entire wealth, including her and her children. In the end, she would always be at a loss, while the husband kept winning even in death, thanks to the traditions that were set out to his advantage. All in all, the African girl child, turned woman never got to experience real love during her lifetime. Infect, she was conditioned not to expect it. The only kind of love she would receive, was from her children, the kind of love that was more committal than emotional.

Later in life, when old age took over, she passed on the same values she acquired on to her children. When they come crying back to her, bogged down by marital crisis, she would stoically echo the same words that were passed down to her, saying, “That is how it has always been. You cannot question the tradition of our forefathers. So, live with it and learn to bear it.” This has been the place of the African girl child for generations, in servitude and without a voice. Struggle love has afflicted the African girl since the beginning of time and has been ingrained in her heart and soul, to always accept unrequited love and wear it as a badge of honour, all in the name of tradition. Nonetheless, this ought not to be. The modern day African girl, living in the modern times, whereby religion, education, economics and socio-political beliefs have played a vital role in changing the cultural perceptions of Africans today, is fortunate to have been caught up in the wind of change. Yet, despite these changes, we are not out of the woods, as they are some tribal factions that are still holding fast to their old cultures and traditions.

To conclude, as a modern African woman, I have purposed to be intentional in my pursuit for love. I have also decided that I will respect the traditions of my fore-fathers but I will pick and choose those that are of benefit to me, while not allowing the detrimental ones to hold me back. I will further proceed to embrace change that will serve me and adopt ideas, thoughts, beliefs, and people that align with my purpose in life. Moreover, I must learn to also love and appreciate myself, to always keep reminding myself that I am just as important as the next person, that I should not be afraid to consider myself as valuable first in anything, and that I should also learn to say no, when people, places and things do not contribute to my growth. But most importantly, I will teach my daughter on these values, hoping that she too will pass the same on to her children.